I’m sorry to report, but the bat didn’t make it.
Well…I’m also sorry to report that I’m not really that sorry.
Shortly after posting my last post, I was sitting in the living room with the computer, a blanket, and my fur kids when a shadow moved across the wall and a bat came swooping above my head. I ducked for cover and shooed the dog out of the room and closed the doors off so it couldn’t get free in the rest of the house again. We searched high and low for it before: banging on things, checking under ledges, behind curtains…never saw it. I wasn’t going to risk it hiding again.
After finally raising that hubby out of a groggy sleep we assembled our armor and weapons. Sadly, there wasn’t time for helmets though. That would have made for a great picture! Only a racket, a box and a mesh laundry hamper. But that darn thing crawled up to the top of our chimney which is a good 15 feet up…now what??? I spotted a plastic pellet gun on the coffee table…you know, the kind that shoots the little plastic pellets that males of all ages find amusing to shoot each other with? Yeah, that was still there from New Years when some of our friends were playing “swat” in our house. It was handy…so I picked it up and shot in the general direction of the bat, thinking it would take off flying and we could catch it or whack it with the racket.
Nope…it didn’t budge.
Shoot…whelp…guess I’d need to shoot again…and maybe aim. I missed a few times before I apparently hit it. It didn’t move though…just gave an angry little scream. Hmmm…now what? I grabbed the spot-light we had, and handed the gun to hubby. I aimed the light, he took a few shots and the bat took flight. I think we both hit it, because it flew…though seemed either disoriented or injured. “Sorry bat…but I can’t go to sleep with a bat on the loose in my house. And if I can’t reach you, I have to find some way to get you down from there.” It zoomed by my head and I screamed like a girl, dove to the ground and waved my racket haphazardly in its general direction.
I caved…it dove at my head! What is a girl to do?
It landed a few times and hubby was able to catch it in the mesh laundry basket.
“I don’t know”
I mean…we live in Wisconsin…it’s winter…the bat isn’t going to want to be outside. I don’t want it coming back in my house, and I don’t have time to check my entire house to figure out where it got in. Plus…those things can get in a tiny little whole! As far as I could figure, we injured it, or at least rattled it a bit…and hubby wanted to go to bed, and was in a groggy state of mind still because
I gave him a cold he got a cold somewhere. Actually…I think I might actually have walking pneumonia…hope I didn’t give him walking pnuemonia he didn’t get walking pneumonia from somewhere. Anyway, I was in a much better state than he, and he really wanted to go to bed. I made the executive decision that the bat had to go. I don’t mind bats, I really don’t. They can fly around my yard and eat bugs to their hearts’ content. But they are OUTSIDE pets. No coming in my house. Period.
“Let’s throw it in the wood boiler” I said. Hubby said he wasn’t getting bundled up to go throw a bat in the boiler. (side note…a co-worker recently informed me that not everyone knows what a wood boiler is. She had never heard of it. Basically it’s a big wood stove that is generally outside your house in some kind of enclosure that you use to heat your house and hot water with. They’re big, so you can put giant logs in and they provide lovely, lovely heat! And if you keep your ears open, often times that heat is free…well…the wood comes free but it does take labor to cut it up. But it’s a lovely way to heat your house in the midwestern winter and get a little exercise and fresh air)
Anyway…the boiler is a good 50 feet from the house, and it’s cold, and hubby was in shorts and a t-shirt. I volunteered to throw it out there, and he deemed that acceptable. I’m really sorry if you think we’re bad people. Maybe we should have just let it outside. But it’s like 5 degrees outside without windchill. It was either dying a frigid death or trying to come back in my house. While we stood in the living room debating what to do with the bat, said bat began trying to crawl OUT of the hamper. This added to the sense of urgency. Hubby was having a hard time keeping that slippery little sucker in the mesh hamper and it was starting to become rather determined. I also didn’t want hubby getting bit while holding a flimsy hamper closed with a bat in it.
We took it outside and tried to put it in a cardboard box that I could just throw in “The Beast”, as I’ve now affectionately named the boiler. The bat decided that after trying to crawl out of the hamper, that it liked that better than the box. Hubby wanted to go to bed, and I decided we should probably toss the hamper out anyway now that it’s been home to a distressed bat, so I grabbed the hamper and marched it out to The Beast. The Beast was burning real hot, don’t worry…the bat didn’t suffer long. It was probably almost instantaneous. I closed the door on The Beast for a minute before opening it back up and fishing out the remains of my hamper. It’s got wire in it and I didn’t want that making its way into the ash that we might eventually spread out on the driveway to melt help melt the ice. The bat was dead. RIP hamper. RIP bat. I’m sorry you came in my house.
Please don’t hate me.
Or arrest me. A friend just told me that in Minnesota, bats are considered endangered. I think in Wisconsin some are here as well. But I’m fairly certain, based on it’s size that it was not one of the endangered bats…though I don’t know if it’s technically legal to kill a bat in your house. I guess I never thought of it that way. It’s legal for me to kill mice. Now that I think of it…is it legal to kill a squirrel in your attic? Because we think we have one of those too that we need to “rehome”. But back to the bat. I don’t know if it’s legal to kill the bat. But…it was in my house!
And so now you know the story of the great battle. And I must say, you’d probably laugh if you had been a fly on the wall to see the whole thing. But not if you were a bat on our wall…
I’m going to bed, now that I can sleep soundly.